A Shout Out...

...to my Abba, to my amazing family, to my loving and patient boyfriend DJ, to all my friends (past, present, and future), and to the rest of the world...

I LOVE LIFE! I LOVE MY JOB! I HAVE A PLACE IN THIS WORLD! I FINALLY FEEL CONTENT! I HAVE A PURPOSE!

Thanks guys, for stickin' with me! All of you! Wow, I look back on my life and I can't believe how pathetic I have been. But...I know that God has lead me here, to this point in my life. And He couldn't have gotten me here without all of the trials and drama and sadness and heartaches and disappointments and mistakes etc. in my life. I amaze my own self becacuse of how different I am; how much I have grown in just a short month; how I finally feel HAPPY; how I feel like my life is just beginning at age 33. Wow. Amazing stuff.

I absolutely love my job. I feel that I have found "my calling," so to speak. I have a purpose there. I have a mission. And when times get severely stressful and overwhelming...as they have, even in just one short month...I can still feel a peace in my heart that I belong there. I love it there. I don't think I've ever loved a job so much in my life. It is just such a remarkable feeling...I can't even explain it. I wake up in the morning, grouchy and tired because it is morning, but yet I look forward to the day ahead of me, and to the tasks that lie before me. I am so honored to be there. I have amazing coworkers, an amazing staff, and of course, as you all know, I don't love any place more than I love the 'burgh! So, ladies and gentlemen...meet the new and improved Tate!

I have a new expression. Kinda silly, but it always makes me turn the negatives into positives when I'm at work. The expression is "I Heart Duquesne." I saw a button that had that written on it, and I just ran with it. (It actually had the word "I" and then a heart and then "Duquesne" on it). I don't know why, but I just stared at it when I first saw it, and thought about how silly I would look walking around campus wearing that button...ya know, kinda hokey and cheesey...but it hit me. I honestly do heart Duquesne and everything that it represents in my life right now. Not just a whole new chapter in my life...a whole new book. Not just another flight of stairs from an existing landing...a whole different set of stairs, and I am starting out on the bottom floor, working my way up to the next landing. Not just another job...a chance to live out my dreams and fulfill my commitment to myself that I am worthy of happiness. I could go on and on with those, too.

I think one of the reasons that I heart Duquesne so much is that it is giving me the opportunity to serve. It feels so much better to serve people (my coworkers, my RA staff, and most importantly...my students) than it does to wallow in self-pity and wonder why my life sucks so bad. My whole focus has changed. As cliche as it sounds, it really ISN'T all about me. Life is about loving God, serving God, and serving others. It's just that simple. And I am done complicating everything. As long as I have God...my faithful Abba...by my side, helping me get through each and every step of the way, I will continue to grow and make these positive changes in my life.

Attitude is also a big factor. I know now that I can choose my attitude no matter what is going on in my life, and no matter what I'm feeling that day. I can choose to see the positive side to everything and have a good attitude which makes me feel good...or I can choose to see the negative side to everything and have a horrible attitude which makes me feel awful. Kinda like the last 6 years of my life!

So...as I get ready to go back to campus tomorrow, (I am home for the Labor Day weekend), I am ready. I am ready to continue on the path that I am on. I am ready to be the best RD I can be. I am ready to face all of the challenges that lie before me with a new perspective, and with the help and support of my Abba, my family, my sweetheart, and my friends. So this "shout out" goes to all of you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

I hope to look back on this entry 5 months from now...even 5 years from now...and remember this feeling. I want to keep it alive! I want to continue to see progress and growth in my life. This is it. Life is good.

Hearting Duquesne...out.

Shawn Fest 2006

Well, it wasn't the long-awaited "Squab Fest," but our own rendition of it turned out to be pretty fun. (For those of you just tuning in, you can probably read all about Squab Fest from earlier posts...I think.)

Anyway, I spent most of the weekend at my sister's boyfriend's Dad's camp for what we are calling "Shawn Fest" because we thought that the infamous Squab Fest had been cancelled. After we found out that there still may be something going on out at good ole Squab Hollow, we decided to run with our own plan. Turned out to be a pretty good time! I over-induldged a teeny bit last night, though. So of course I'm paying for it today.

Although I had a fab time, I still ended up extremely depressed over the whole thing. Wow...go figure. Me? Depressed? Noooooooo!

Unfortunately, yes...I was, or maybe still am a little bit, depressed. I love everyone in my life. All of my friends from past and present, along with the ones I have borrowed from my sister. I love them all! Some of them I have lost touch with. Most of them, except for the borrowed ones, are scattered all over the freakin' place. And now the ones whom I have recently connected with during this past year of my life...I am about to say good-bye to. Some of them are my own, and the others are the borrowed ones.

(Little tributary here: When I say "borrowed friends" I don't mean that they are not my true friends. I love them all very much. But I sometimes just feel like they are my friends "by default" because they are all my sister's friends. But I do care a GRRRRRRRREAT DEAL for all of them! Truly and sincerely.)

Anyway, I guess I'm just depressed because I am longing so deeply for true, special friends whom I can spend quality time with and not have to say good-bye to for a good, long while, and ones that I can make all by myself, and ones that I can have for a lifetime. I just feel lost sometimes. Especially last night. my feelings were more than likely, "enhanced" by alcohol and herbs, but I still felt lost and sad. I was looking at some pics that my boyfriend just emailed me of the event, and I found myself smiling, yet this overwhelming sadness took away the fun memories of the night.

I think back to High School. (Excuse me while I shudder for a brief moment......) Okay...anyway, back in High School, when I think of who my friends were, I think about my older sister, HER best friend, and then a gang of kids from the neighboring town whom we used to hang out with. They too, were older than me. So, when everyone from my little circle of friends graduated, I was...go figure...very lost. Even though I did manage to make some other really great friends from my own grade, I still missed the ones that had gone away. So, wouldn't you just know it...I ended up pushing away these new friends, just because they weren't anything like my old friends. Yes, I know...I am a bitch.

But anyway, my whole point is, suprise suprise, that I have yet another pattern, or bad habit, I guess, that needs to be broken. Friends come and go in and out of my life. Yet, why do I always feel so out of touch? Why do I isolate myself sometimes? Why do I ignore good friends just to make more time for other ones? And most of all, why do I think that I will never have that close-knit circle of girlfriends that lasts and lasts until we are all like, 80? I want that so badly. I enjoy all of my male friends, but there is just nothing in the world that could be better than really special girlfriends. The kind that you can be yourself with. The kind that you can cry with, laugh with, and share your vulnerability with. The kind that will know all of the details of your life, and still not hold anything against you because of your silly quirks or your past mistakes. I wish I had those...right here, right now. I haven' t had any for awhile now...I guess since I left Wilmington. And that REALLY depresses me.

So, back to Shawn Fest, as fun as it was, I was feeling pretty empty inside. I wouldn't even let DJ take any pics of me. Well, he did...but I made him delete them. Not just because I looked fat, pale and stoned...but because I looked downright pitiful. Only I could see that, though, because I knew what I was feeling and it totally showed on those pics. It broke my own heart to see myself like that. So, I asked myself over and over again today..."Why don't you call your old girlfriends more often...the ones whom you've lost touch with?" I really don't know sometimes why I shy away from just picking up the damn phone and giving one of them a call just to catch-up and chat. I do know that we have all changed...which is supposed to happen to everyone, right? But it is tough to find familiar ground sometimes. Here I am, still SINGLE, no kids, and still periodically enjoying a night life. Not too many of my ole gal pals have any of those things in common with me anymore, so it is really tough to connect and relate to one another.

Soooooooo...what is it that I am really trying to say? Hmmmmmm. I guess I just want to be a better friend to my past, present, and borrowed friends, and really pray that I make some new ones during this next chapter of my life. Some new ones whom I WON'T lose touch with, and ones whome I can really spend quality time with. I think that about sums it up right now. I'm tired of feeling so lost, out of place, lonely, and left out. I want to be able to go to events, parties, or whatever...similar to last night's ordeal...and just have fun without all of the sadness that is buried deep within my heart. I want to feel that I belong somewhere. I want to be around people who really enjoy my company...so much that I never have to wonder if they do. And I, in turn, want to enjoy the company of all my friends no matter where they are, or no matter how much time has passed since we last connected.

Kay...I think I might still be a bit "out of it" and I'm about ready to fall over onto the keyboard again. So, off to bed I must go. I'll probably read this tomorrow and wonder, "What the heck were you smokin' on?"

And then I'll remember...Oh, yeah....that's right. Try not to do that anymore, geeeeeez.

Lonely, exhausted, and hungover...out.

Jesus Take the Wheel

...take it from my hands.

'Cuz I can't do this on my own.

I'm letting go...so give me one more chance.

Save me from this road I'm on.

Ohhhh, Jesus take the wheel! Take it, take it from me.


Thanks to Carrie Underwood, I have this inspiration branded into my heart forever. It is my daily prayer and theme song. Even in all the excitement of getting this new job, and moving back to Pittsburgh...I gotta remember one thing. God is in control of my life, no matter how scary things may get at times. He always has been, and always will be. He will never let me go. I surrender my will, and accept His. I love my Abba Daddy :)

Good-Bye Ridgway...

I don't think I'll miss you that much. You sure have taught me a WHOLE LOT about me, my life, and the fact that I need to get a clue and grow the heck up...but, no. I am glad I am leaving you. It will be a healthy separation.

As I got all pumped up to sing karaoke tonight at the dumb "Scummit," I didn't realize that I would have gotten COMPLETELY IRRITATED and just plain fed up with this place. It's called "Karaoke Night" not "Play a Whole Bunch of Dumb Dance Songs and NOT Let Anyone Sing Night." The freakin dj up there is retarded and stupid. I would so make a better dj than HIM. I got there around 10:30pm, SO TOTALLY STOKED to sing. I put a song in RIGHT AWAY. But hmmmmm, let's see....he didn't call my name for about an HOUR. He just kept playing stupid dance songs! Now, don't get me wrong, I love to dance of course...and any other time I woulda been diggin' it. But damnit, tonight I just wanted to S.I.N.G!!!!!!!!!!! It would have been another thing if the reason he didn't call me up was because 47 other people were in front of me waiting to sing, but OH NO. He just kept catering to the wacked-out crowd, and playing Nelly Furtado 28 million times so the dumb chics could shake their asses and act like freaks and think they were actually dancing. Okay, I know...I'm sounding so condescending right now, and I will feel bad about it when I read this later. But jeeeeeeeeeeeez. It was "KARAOKE NIGHT!" I finally sang my ONE song, and immediately put in another, because I knew it would probably be 400 hours until I got that microphone back in my hand. Sure enough...another hour and a freakin' half went by...NOBODY was singing...and he continued to play dumb songs. Finally, I got so fed up, I pushed my way through the crowd, marched right up to where he could see me, held my beer bottle in front of my mouth like a microphone, and gave him a look like, "YO!!! Am I going to ever get to sing or what?????" He kinda gave me a half-assed nod, and then called up some people who HAD JUST GOTTEN THERE!!!!! HELLOOOOOO!!!!! I PUT MY SONG IN A YEAR AGO, AND THESE PEOPLE JUST WALTZ RIGHT IN AND GET TO SING? Jeeeeeeeeeeeez, I didn't know you needed freakin CLOUT in a dumb place like the Scummit. So, after bitchin' to some random people whom I didn't even know about how bad the dj sucked, he finally let me sing my next song. When I was finished, I handed him one more and said, "Are you going to let me sing this one before the night is over? If not, I'm going home, so I need to know right now." He said he would "squeeze" me in....oh yeah, like he had so many other people singing! What a waste of my time and energy. I can't wait to go to Pittsburgh and go to some REAL karaoke bars, where people actually get to SING for crying out loud!

Okay, I'm done with all that nonsense. It just pissed me off, but really made me look at my situation, and THANK GOD again and again and again that I will be out of here in less than TWO WEEKS!!! HALLELUJAH!!!! I will be out of the damp, dark, depressing basement...I will have my OWN space...I will have the job opportunity of a lifetime...and actually, I will feel like I have some worth for the first time in a long time. I don't hate Ridgway...I grew up here, my family is here, and it holds many fond memories and friends. But I just don't belong here anymore. Yes, I admit...I missed it like crazy, especially when I was in Wilmington, and quite a bit when I was in Pittsburgh the first time around. But I think I've had my fill now. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to make some true friends. I'm ready to start my life at the age of 33. Why does it always seem like my growth gets stunted? Why does it always seem like I take two steps forward, and 92 steps back? I honestly don't know those answers, but I'm not going to live my life like that ANYMORE. Ladies and gentlemen....introducing, the new and improved Tate! Nice to meet you.

What really gets to me are these people who stay here when they don't belong here either. I mean, it's one thing if you have a family, a decent job, and are content to stay in this quaint little redneck town. But I've met so many people at the Tavern where I bartend, who just HATE LIFE here. I just want to shake them and make them realize that they have OPTIONS. There is no need to fear anything. Reach out and grab that brass ring, whatever that may be...and live the life you've always dreamed of! Don't let anyone or anything hold you back! It's rather sad, really. This area is like a box. People get trapped in it, and don't realize that there is soooooooooo much more "out there." I've met some pretty smart cookies who work in jobs that don't utilize their strengths and talents, and they are completely miserable. I don't get it. These people do not have children or wives to support. So why? Why are they settling in this box, and not checking out what else life has to offer?

Okay, sorry...I'll get off my soapbox now. I just have so many things swirling through my mind. But I truly cannot worry about other people right now. I just need to focus on my goals, my priorities, and get my life back on track. There is no more looking back. There will be no more of this quitting nonsense. It is time to be the person God created me to be and stop making excuses. I actually have potential that I haven't thought about in years! I will make it this time...ON MY OWN. And I will be happy. And I will re-dedicate my life and soul to my Abba Father. He's in total control. He has always been, but I keep trying to take it away from him. Ha, look where that has gotten me!

Let's recap, shall we? I move back in August of 2005. I work part-time at a coffee shop with a psycho boss, making pennies, at most. I struggle with "finding my place" when it comes to friends. I borrow my sisters friends, which is totally cool, because they are all AWESOME...but where are mine? Oh yeah...all married with children whom I really can't relate to anymore. Then, I leave the coffee shop after being drug through the mud with a verbally abusive boss who wouldn't pay me. I wind up in powdered freakin' metal. Yeah, so that was okay at first, until the darkness of it all got to me. There was a bright spot, however, when I met my boyfriend. So, that was cool. But after awhile, I just couldn't do it anymore. The backbreaking work, the paperwork that gave me panic attacks and headaches, the dirty, dingy atmosphere, and most of all....being in a place FULL OF PEOPLE who didn't seem to have any hope! I need hope! I couldn't take it anymore. So, enter the Tavern. I became a bartender/waitress. I really enjoy bartending, but I could do without waitressing. Now, that actually wasn't so bad because at least I was at a place where I met some super cool people. It started to feel like my second home. It will always hold a special spot in my heart, and I will miss those folks dearly. My bosses, my "regulars," my co-workers...everyone. But once again, it was hitting me in the face over and over again...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE??????????? Remember that piece of paper that you received that contains your ticket to a better paying job where you will feel like you are making a difference and utilizing your talents, skills, personality, etc? What happened to that? Was my schooling all in freakin' vain? HELLLLLLLLLLLLL NO!!! God showed me that yesterday! He just wasn't finished with me in Ridgway yet. But thankfully, He is allowing me to move on, and continue to seek Him and follow Him.

I can't wait to get there! Look out, Duquesne! Here I come! Full of hope, energy, enthusiasm, and a promise that I won't let you down as long as I keep my focus where it should be. And Ridgway...once again...I won't miss you, but I'll come visit you from time to time. I've outgrown you. And you've got SHIT for karaoke, damnit! How is a girl supposed to practice being a rock star if you don't have a good dj?

Wow...rambling. Time for bed. Very tired now. What was my original point? Can't remember. Oh well...another day.

Miss Duquesne...out.

So, Six Years Later...

I AM BACK ON TRACK....FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a journey it has been over these trying times, and these crazy years! But, silly me...I know that in my deepest heart of hearts that my Abba Daddy God has had a strategic, detailed plan for me the WHOOOOOOOOLE TIME. I can't begin to understand every aspect of it, and why certain things happened the way they did in the time frame that He chose....but right at this moment, none of that even matters to me because...

I PRAISE HIM WITH ALL MY MIGHT! I SHOUT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS...okay, well...just from my room...BECAUSE HE HAS GIVEN ME YET ANOTHER CHANCE AT LIFE! Just like Mary Tyler Moore, "I"m gonna make it afteralllllllllllllllllllllll!" (Hat thrown up in the air...)

Yes folks...I got a job at Duquesne University as one of the Resident Directors of a "living/learning center, " a.k.a, "dorm" or "residence hall." I start July 31st!!! Can you even believe it??? I only had my interview YESTERDAY! They offered me the job TODAY! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Wow, so much to think about, so much to do to prepare, etc. But it will allllllllll fall into place. I"ve been singing, "Jesus Take the Wheel" over and over again these last few months, and I truly meant it. I'm done driving my life vehicle. It's TOTALLY His turn, and He can drive me wherever He wants me to be...because that is the only place in this world where I will find true, everlasting peace in my heart.

Yeah, so I'm pretty exhausted from this emotionally charged day, plus having to work til close at the bar tonight. So, though I could go into about 9 thousand other details...I'll spare you for now, and let you off the hook. I gotta, gotta, gotta get to bed...like right this second.

Falling asleep at the keyboard...out.

Manic Monday

Okay, so that's not just a reference to a fun, bubble-gummy 80's song...but it totally describes my night at work. I don't know what gets into me sometimes. I really do wonder if I'm manic-depressive, or bi-polar, or WHATEVER they are calling it these days. But anyway, I felt so completely out-of-control MANIC tonight! For example, this couple came into the bar from out of town...and me, being the cool, cordial, chit-chatty, "where-are-you-from" kinda bartender that I am, I struck up a conversation with them. Well, that all sounds perfectly normal, right? Welllllllllll, yeah for about 2 minutes. After that...I dunno what the heck came over me! I was talking really fast, and gesturing quite grandly, as though they were 5 miles away from me, laughing and overdramatizing everything I said, and basically putting on this whole little show for them. I could not stop! They were responding to me, so that was good, but I felt my filters leave my entire body. We chatted about the Stones, Country Music, football, and just about everything else in this world that gets me going. They seemed to get a big kick outta me, but geeeeeeeeeez...I was trying so hard to simmer down a bit, but I'm telling you. Something came over me, and all of a sudden I was Lucille freakin' Ball!

THENNNNNNNNN...after the poor couple left, I shimmied on down to my "regulars" to chat with them, and of all songs to come on at that moment....the freakin' ELECTRIC SLIDE! Ohhhhhhhh nooooooo. Couldn't help myself. Had to do it. Right there, in the middle of the bar...for the ENTIRE SONG. I felt this surge of energy powering throughout my body that I could not control! And I have to admit...as annoying as I might have been to others...it felt SOOOOOOOOO GOOD to be manic! All of a sudden, I wasn't thinking about my 04578604576 issues and traumas and problems and all that bullshit, I was living large! I was pouring my whole self into the world. I did not care what anyone thought. I just wanted to get up on a big stage and sing and dance and do comedy acts and cheerleading routines and, of course, my infamous "Conan Jump." It was like, "HELLO WORLD! MY NAME IS TATE, AND I AM ABOUT TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF. IF ANYONE WANTS TO BE ENTERTAINED WITH ME, OR, BY ME, FEEL FREE...BECAUSE I'M ON FREAKIN' FIRE!!!"

Okay, so maybe it had something to do with the fact that I have an upcoming interview IN PITTSBURGH this Wednesday. I'm sure that had A LOT to do with it. But lemme just tell ya...this does not happen to me very often. At least not lately. Do I need Riddalin (sp?) or whatever they give kids with ADHD? Aye, yi, yiiiiiiii. I mean, I am extreeeeeeeeeeeemely excited about the interview and what not, but I've been excited for lots of stuff in my life before, but I can't remember the last time I felt quite like this before. Hmmmmmm. Cannot explain it. Do I need serious help here?

I'm really hoping that I don't come crashing down tomorrow. That would really suck. I've felt like I've been on the bottom for so long now, and all I can think of are negative things. Well, suddenly tonight...things did not seem so bad. They were BEYOND good, though....they were totally "out there" ya know? I felt like a different person. And I'm trying so hard to not get my hopes up for this potential job, but geeeeeez, it's a tiny light at the end of this loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnng tunnel, so I really can't help it. If it all falls through, then I guess I'll have to deal with that when the time comes...but for now, I'm freakin' ECSTATIC over the fact that I have another opportunity to sell myself, and show these people that they would be making A BIG HUGE MISTAKE if they don't hire me, damnit! (That sounded so arrogant, I know...but geeeeeeeeez lou freakin' weeeeeeze! I think it's time I were "thrown a freakin' bone here!") Okay, how many times can I use the word "freakin" in one entry? I'll stop now.

Soooooooooo...it's late, once again. I am very sleepy now. But I'm hoping for some really good dreams tonight. And I really hope that I made that couple's night, ya know? They seemed very entertained and not annoyed, so at least I know that I made them smile and laugh a lot. I sure felt good. So hey...even if they were annoyed, or thought I was a complete basket case, welllllll.....maybe I am. But that's me!

Good night blog world.

Manic, Basket Case, Belongs-in-a-looney-bin......out.

Ahhhh...Summer!

FINALLY...it feels like summer. It only took until July 4th! Geeeeeeez. But anyway, I had a great Independence Day, and I hope you all did as well. My DJ threw his annual baaaaaeeeesh, and even though it rained a bit here and there, he had a great turn-out, and I had a blast!

He and I got to spend some MUCH-NEEDED quality time together, too. We've both just been so wrapped up in our own lives and going in separate directions lately. So, it was nice to spend 3 wonderful days with him. Today was actually nicer (weather wise) than yesterday, so we went to "Parker Dam" up round these parts and had a nice, relaxing day in the sun. Even though we both agreed that it was like a "ghetto beach," we still had a great day. He packed us up a yummy little picnic, we walked around the woods a bit, and then just soaked up the sun and watched kids play in the fake sand and the murky water that only goes to about 5 ft. deep. Yeah, pretty ghetto...but nice to have around here. We were going to rent a paddle boat, but nobody was at the station! Jerks! Oh well. Next time.

I only had one little crisis all day. See, we were laying on a blanket in the grass instead of the fake sand, right? Wellllllllllllll, after about an hour or so, we had gotten up to see about the paddle boats...and like I said, the jerks weren't there......so, when we returned to our blanket, I sat down to put my shoes back on, and low and behold...IT WAS COVERED WITH A HUUUUUUUUGE MASSIVE MOUND OF RED ANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where in the hell did they come from???????? Were they there the whole time we were laying there????? Did we put the blanket on their home??????? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK...even right now, hours later, my skin is still crawling!!!!!! Everything freakin' itches! I don't think that they bit us or anything, but just the thought that they WERE UNDERNEATH US THE WHOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLE TIME.....creeeeeeeeeeeeepy! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! Yiiiiiiiikes!

Okay, enough of that. I'm scratching my whole entire body right now, and swatting away any potential creepy crawly thing that MAY be on me. DELETE IMAGE...DELETE IMAGE....IMMEDIATELY!

Soooooooooooooo...BESIDES that, it was a very fun, relaxing day. After we left Parker Dam, DJ took me to the Tasty Freeze for ice cream! I was soooooooo excited because he never wants to go for ice cream because he hates it. But, he finally took me today, and even though he hates anything sweet, he actually ate an ice cream cone! Yay! Thennnnnnn, we decided to put away his big tarp, tent thingy that he had in the yard from yesterday. When I went into his shed, I noticed his mountain bike! I was so excited...I've been wanting to ride bikes for soooooooo long! I haven't been on one since I was like, 10. So, we hauled it out, took it up to the neighbors to fill the tires....and much to my HUGE DISMAY, I couldn't ride the darn thing! It was too high for me!!! I kept making him show me how to get on it, actually ride it, then stop and dismount without toppling over, but I just couldn't do it! I was so urked. I'm used to my old Schwinn 10-speed, I guess...and I spose they are a bit different from mountain bikes. Damn! I tried and tried to get on that thing, but my feet wouldn't even touch the ground when I was sitting on the seat. So, basically he showed me how to just start peddaling right away, which I could have done, but what would I do when it was time to stop???? He was an old pro, but I kept having these visions of me tipping over sideways, and completely damaging something in between my legs that I DID NOT WANT damaged. How was HE doing it? He's got more to lose in that area than I do! But anyway....after about an hour of me trying to figure out ways to gracefully come to a stop, we decided to give it up for the day, and maybe another day look for a "woman's" mountain bike that would actually be my size...meaning that I could sit on the seat with my feet touching the ground! I was so wanting to go bike riding, too. Bummer!

But oh well...we sat on the porch for a bit, then since we were still so beat from yesterday, we did something we NEVER EVER DO. We went into the living room, lounged around like a couple of bums and watched TV. There was an "Everybody Loves Raymond" marathon going on, so we had some good laughs. It was nice to just chill for a change, because he's usually so hyper and "on the go." But it was HIS IDEA to boot! Hey, no complaints from this cookie! :)

Well, that's about all of my blow-by-blow account of the holiday. It was wonderful, like I said. And...I finally feel that summer has arrived! Now all I need is a freakin' tan, for crying out loud. Ohhhhhhh, and I could not end this post without a shout-out to my GA pals! It was great to see ZimaGirl, and I truly missed you, GA Girl! I hope your little Pearly Jo is okay. But I got to see MmmmBop Girl, too....which, by the way, you only live in Brockway! We need to see each other more often, ya hear! Hee hee... :) Oh, and how could I forget little Bluesy Boo? Cutie pie. Ruff! Ruff! To him.

Okee Dokee...time for beddy bye. Happy summer to all, and I'll see ya round the blog next time.

Stoked for summer...out!

To the rest of you...

(obviously excluding Mr. or Mrs. Coward, Spineless, Full-of-shit Anonymous) I appreciate your taking the time to read about what's going on in my world...in my head...in my life...etc., and the fact that you actually CARE about me. Sorry to you "supporters" out there who had to read my last post, which was not intended for any of you. Some people just have nothing else better to do than criticize other people to make themselves feel better about their own shitty lives.

OKAY...enough of that. I don't have much else to write about tonight. I just wanted to write something positive. There is so much "negative" going around in my life right now, and I can't take much more. And I was told tonight that I wouldn't be happy if I didn't have a crisis in my life. Ouch. That stung. I half believe him, and half don't. I do NOT believe the part about being "happy" only if I have a crisis...but I do believe that I over-dramatize everything, especially the negative shit, and I feel this need to let the whole world know about it. Why am I like this? I cannot answer that. But I don't like it, and now that I am really recognizing it, I just want to change it right this minute.

I don't think I'll ever NOT be a Drama Queen, but I CAN put more emphasis on all the positive stuff, and keep the negatives to myself. So, on that note...I'm off to bed. Thank God I have 4 glorious days off!!!!!!!!!!!

Me....out.